Rebranding productivity.

My thoughts on maternity leave.

From Rebrand Everything’s last paid subscriber newsletter, Rebranding how to be present:

What I’ve found in those moments is I’m just not present. The entire time I’m playing with or soothing my baby, I’m just thinking about the next moment I’ll get to finish folding the laundry.

My only solution is to leave the house.

Having not had one with my first child, as I approached my maternity leave with my second, I had come to believe that it would be a time only dedicated to my kids. Adapting to their schedules, their needs, their changing developments. Little did I know that slowing down my own routine would lead me to discover that my definition of success had changed along with my life circumstances.

I was worried I’d be bored.

And don’t get me wrong. I am deeply bored sometimes. Spending every day talking to a toddler and a baby doesn’t usually spark moments of deep intellectual thought. I also don’t get much joy out of changing six diapers a day.

In boredom, there is discovery.

I thought I’d miss my job. A lack of writing for work forced me to pave new avenues of creativity. Like this Substack.

I thought I’d miss structure. A lack of daily childcare showed me how early solo mornings can be the very thing my mind craves.

I thought I’d miss community. I found it in parents at the playground, preschool moms, and play group drop-in regulars. Even occasionally on that stupid social media app we all loathe, but can’t seem to quit.

I did more work on myself this year than in the last five. Boredom forced discovery. It turned out that not having KPIs and corporate milestones to meet didn’t make me any less productive. Instead, this year gave me the space to work on myself.

So did ditching the definition of productive.

Because not every day will feel productive.

It won’t. It didn’t. And isn’t that kind of freeing? Removing that expectation and allowing your mind to just explore?

Because I wasn’t looking to be productive, I didn’t have expectations put on myself. I got to stumble upon things in this natural flow state, and I’m not sure the last time I let myself do that. Maybe over a decade ago, when I had the summers off from university and teaching dance. That’s the last time I can think of that I kind of let my mind rest and reset. More than a decade ago.

It’s not like maternity leave is some grand vacation. Any mom, and I mean any, would agree that it’s often more exhausting than the usual 9-5. It was the lack of corporate work and a complete 180° in my routine that made space for newness.

And in that, I’ve never felt more me.

I love this life, and I’m scared to let it go.

What’s going to happen when I return to work? Will my outward creative drive see a decline as I spend more of my waking hours in a creative mindset for others’ needs? Will rushed mornings and tight schedules make me skip out on getting up before the sun, solely for myself and my own needs?

I’m unsure what the next set of changes will bring and how that will shape me. My kids. My family. Maybe the things I’ve discovered will stick. Maybe new things will be discovered. Maybe productivity will take on a whole new meaning. One that agrees with me more than those that have been set upon me in the past.

Here’s to not letting go.

Maybe we say, fuck it. Here’s to constantly reinventing ourselves. To ignore what Instagram’s algorithm tells us is productive and instead choose to create space, find slowness, and pause to allow for a new wave of growth and milestones. Instead of productive check marks, let’s have hopes for ourselves. Wishes we want to see come to life. Audacious, bold dreams.

And let’s bring them to life at any point in our journey. Twenties, fifties, as stay-at-home moms, as career-driven socialites, as single and happy anythings.

I thought maternity leave was meant for my kids. I thought it was a time devoted to shaping them, defining them, bonding with them. It’s proven to be so much more. A time, a space, a year where I was permitted to ditch the laid-out plan. I hit pause in my career and felt the most productive I have in a long, long time.

Nothing can compare to personal growth. You’ll spend the most amount of time with yourself, so you might as well like who you’re becoming.

Hugs,

Laura